You can't motorboat a personality
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
