goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
