OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
