Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
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