I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
