If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
