I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
