There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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