I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Randomize
