your parents love me but you hate me
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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