hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Im part way to drunk.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
