also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
