Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
