Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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