In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
