I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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