I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
