i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
