dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
