Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
