She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
