You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
