alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
