then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
