I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
