The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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