we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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