you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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