Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
