been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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