i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
