You smell like a Billy Joel song
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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