yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
she told me i tasted like america
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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