Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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