dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
