If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
