I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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