I think scott just propositioned me for sex
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
