Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
