He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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