You smell like a Billy Joel song
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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