He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
