If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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