You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
