you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
