I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
