What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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