Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
