PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
