look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
