Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
