My friends, they love my intelligence
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
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