he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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