Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
