how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
