Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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