He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
