Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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