I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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