OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
