Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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