I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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