I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
