are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
