He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I wish i was in the wii world.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
