I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
