The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
