My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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