roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
