There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
