I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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