For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
