i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
