My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I need moral support for this bender
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
