he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
false alarm, still single
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