To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
