Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
