Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
