The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
