is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
