Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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