I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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